The Economist & "NYPD blues"

Breakfast didn't go well at all this morning. Not only did I burn my two slices of toast (stupid toaster), but my favorite magazine, The Economist, published a critical piece on the NYPD's recruitment efforts in their latest issue.

Now, I won't deny that we have a recruitment problem. But I still expect my minions to toe the official line that everything is actually just fine and rosy. The article opens with this disgraceful remark:

"“BEING a cop was a great job in the late '80s. It paid well. Now, I would never encourage people to do it,” confides a veteran New York police officer."

Who does this "veteran New York police officer" think he is? This wasn't cleared through Paul's office. I've dispatched Mordechai to find this clown. I told him he can pull a couple of IAB guys off the important Bronx Court House Parking Placard Enforcement Unit for this (but only for a few days, as placard enforcement is a high priority with our new PlacardStat meeting coming up soon).

I have to admit though, I was happy they printed our official line on why we've been having so many academy drop-outs in our last couple of classes:

"The department cannot even hold on to the recruits it does manage to find. Since the salary cut, the numbers graduating from its police academy have steadily fallen. Of the 1,968 hired in July 2005, 1,736 graduated, but only 914 graduated out of the 1,142 hired last summer. The NYPD blames a combination of tougher academic standards and reduced pay."

I literally fell off my chair when I read that one (and, unfortunately, took my entire tablecloth along with a full cup of coffee and other assorted breakfast items with me). Because, in all honesty, if you really believe that we've implemented "tougher academic standards" then I have an entire police department to sell you, complete with overseas Intell detectives. But, I have to confess, it sure does sound good and most people tend to be idiots who actually believe crap like that, so I guess it works out for us.

However, I really don't know what the hell Paul was thinking when he told them this:

"Paul Browne, the deputy police commissioner, says the NYPD “is keeping all the balls in the air”, but conceded it cannot continue indefinitely."

Balls in the air? WTF is that even supposed to mean? Needless to say, I called Paul up and screamed at him for ten minutes about this entire article. We're going to suspend the Economist's press passes for a couple of months. That should clear things up a bit with them on how we do business, I think.