Proposed interim order on video recorded arrests

Folks, times have changed since I first started out on the streets of New York as a patrolman. The pervasiveness of cell phone cameras combined with the popularity of YouTube have lead me to believe that a new strategy is in order for the police department.

So I've come up with a proposed interim order (which I've more or less de-facto implemented already, but here it is in writing).

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Interim Order #[minion will insert number here]: Concerning Arrests Recorded On Video and Published On the Internet Or Played On Evening News

Any arrest meeting the following criteria:

1) Physical force is used.
2) It is captured via a video recording device.
3) Recorded footage from said device is either: a. Uploaded to YouTube or a similar video sharing site, or, b. Broadcast on a news channel.

If above criteria is met, the uniformed member(s) of the service involved shall be placed on modified assignment for the duration of a lengthy bureaucratic investigation.

Important Note: Complete compliance with all departmental guidelines, laws, and the use of force in a manner as prescribed by Police Academy training during the arrest in question, is in fact entirely irrelevant to the matter. Modification shall occur in all above cases, no matter the correctness of the actions taken by the officer(s) involved.

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Now, granted, the rank and file are not going to like this. Because, after all, at face value it is pretty stupid to automatically modify a police officer for doing his job by the book just because it is captured on camera (this cop even used those green zones and everything, just as taught in the academy).

But the fact is, dear readers, that the New York City political winds - strong as they are - trump everything. If it's at the cost of real leadership, reason, and actually growing a pair against absurd press sensationalism; well, then so be it.

1,053 summonses

I just got the final report this morning and it's already hit the paper.

Long story short, I had IAB issue 1,053 parking summonses to New York City Police Department personnel and had 137 of their vehicles towed. I tried to call up Charlie to congratulate him on this outstanding accomplishment, but the Lieutenant who answered the phone said Charlie was "out to lunch."

Oh well, I'm just happy to see the Internal Affairs Bureau fighting such major corruption. Excellent. Maybe this will stop the even more serious corruption, like bank robberies and such. You know, like that Broken Windows Theory thing that bastard Bratton used in the 1990s. Or something.

The Post is still onboard

After the traitors at the NY Times posted this atrocious little piece on supposedly "rising" crime the other day, I was happy to see that the boys at the NY Post are still toeing the line.

In particular, they wrote this:

"Under Commissioner Ray Kelly, the NYPD has developed an unmatched ability to rapidly mobilize and deploy its officers to trouble spots."

Don't tell anyone that I was seemingly unable to "develop" this "unmatched ability" until after Bratton's "I cut the murder rate by 70%" tenure. Please don't draw your own conclusions based on this fact.

Those assholes at the New York Times better get back with the program or they're going to find out that their press passes have prematurely expired. Oh, and crime is down.