The press release that Paul whipped up yesterday, as posted on the NYPD website:
"Subject: MAYOR BLOOMBERG AND COMMISSIONER KELLY ANNOUNCE THAT CITY IS ON COURSE TO HAVE ANOTHER YEAR OF DECLINING CRIME."
Subject: Mayor Bloomberg and Commissioner Kelly announce that city is on course to have another year of declining crime, if you don't consider murders and robberies to be crimes worth noting.
"City Has Had Fewer Than 600 Murders Seven Years Running"
City has more murders this year than last, but let's not stress that.
"City on Track for Second-Lowest Ever Number of Murders Since Comparable Records Have Been Kept"
We're hoping you don't focus on that "second-lowest" part.
"Despite Economic Slowdown, Crime Continues to Fall in Every Borough"
Except for murders and robberies, of course. And remember that "economic slowdown" part, because we're going to use it next year to explain why crime is on the rise.
"Since 2001, Steep Drops in All Categories; Rapes Have Declined by Over One-third Since 2001"
Since 2007, murders and robberies are up. This year actually sucked, so let's compare it to a more favorable year: 2001. Next year we'll be saying we're seeing impressively steep drops compared to 1993.
"Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg and Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly today announced that crime in New York City fell again in 2008, marking the eighteenth straight year in which major felony crime has declined. Included in the most recent crime statistics are reductions in every borough and in nearly every category. Overall, major felony crime in New York City has fallen four percent this year compared to last year, and nearly thirty percent since 2001. The City is on track to record the second-lowest number of murders since comparable records have been kept – second only to the number recorded in 2007. "
Compared to 2001 the numbers are phenomenally great. Please don't ask us why of all the years we're choosing to compare everything to 2001 in particular. (Hint: because it makes the 2008 numbers look the most impressive, even when they really aren't that great.)
" “Before 2002, the City had never recorded fewer than 600 murders a year – but now we’ll do it seven years running,” said Mayor Bloomberg. “The continuing reduction of crime is a testament to the quality of our police force – the finest in the world – and to our determination to find innovative ways of turning up the heat on criminals. In the months after 9/11 – when the economic outlook was particularly bleak – we were determined to make our streets safer and more livable. Thanks to the men and women of the NYPD, we achieved it. For that, New York’s Finest deserve our praise, they put their lives on the line every day to keep the rest of us safe, and over the past seven years they have produced some amazing results.”"
We're invoking 9/11 so that you don't ask any critical questions.
"“Supported by technology advances like the Real Time Crime Center, the men and women of the NYPD accomplished what many said could not be done: that is, drive crime to 'impossible' lows beyond what was achieved by 2001,” said Commissioner Kelly. “By the end of 2008, crime has been cut by more than 28 percent from where it stood in 2001. We’ve experienced the second lowest murder rate (last year was the lowest) since comparable records were kept, beginning 45 years ago. Subway crime is the lowest in memory. We have a great deal to celebrate and for which to be grateful as the year comes to a close.”"
We have a really cool Real Time Crime Center at One Police Plaza. Hopefully you will be so in awe of this great innovation that you'll forget that police officers are still using typewriters for essential tasks. Yes, we really are that modern.
"“The steps we have taken to keep New Yorkers safer are paying off,” said John Feinblatt, the Mayor’s Criminal Justice Coordinator. “New York City now has the toughest law in the country against illegal possession of a loaded gun, and that has increased the length of sentences for gun criminals. We have also successfully sued out-of-state gun dealers who sold illegally and toughened enforcement here at home, all to keep police officers and the people they protect safer.”"
Let's throw in a quote from some guy nobody has ever heard of, namely the "Mayor's Criminal Justice Coordinator." Doesn't that sound impressive? Let's ignore the fact that the only justice coordinating going on regarding loaded guns is the kind that is allowing a record number of cases to be plead down so far that the resulting conviction is about as tough as an 80-year-old paraplegic in a boxing match.