My staff tried to B.S. me today

Now I'm seriously pissed. We showed off those new Nissan hybrid RMPs today for the press. That all went well, except for one little thing. See that mobile data terminal (MDT) I'm using in the photo? Yeah, I kid you not, Fleet Services actually tried to snowball me into believing that this thing is currently standard issue in all precinct RMPs.

Worse yet, I almost believed them until one of the cops doing headquarters security walked by, saluted me, and asked me "if all precincts are going to get that new, better looking, more advanced MDT that actually works." Let me tell you did I ever fly off the handle. As soon as the cameras were gone I cursed up such a storm at that poor sergeant sitting next to me I think he thought I was going to rip the computer off the dashboard and throw it at him.

Gun buy-backs

Dear Sheeple,

While perusing the Daily News during breakfast this morning I was quite happy to read this puff piece about our latest Bronx gun buy-back stunt.

"'This was the most successful gun buy-back program to date,' Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said of the cash-for-guns swap at six churches across the borough."

"The haul included 296 revolvers, 174 semi-automatic pistols, 242 rifles and 163 shotguns - plus 21 assault weapons, 13 sawed-off shotguns and 78 other guns, including rifles painted pink to resemble toys."

What we didn't mention was how many of those guns were actually in operable condition. Remember, we're always happy to count grandpa's rusty old antique revolver from his collection of Civil War memorabilia. You know, that rusty piece of junk that hasn't been fired since 1865 and couldn't be used to kill anyone unless it was used to bash the victim's head in.

But what really made my day was the fact that the Daily News has been following Paul's propaganda bullet points to the letter:

"While Kelly cited statistics showing an overall drop in shootings recently - both intentional and accidental - the Bronx saw 13 shootings on the day of the buy-back, two of them fatal."

An "overall drop in shootings." Outstanding, I am relieved they didn't mention that little tid-bit those pricks at the New York Slimes printed a couple of days ago: "In 2008, even as gun killings fell, the number of killings committed with knives or other “cutting instruments” rose 50 percent in New York City, the Police Department said: to 125 from 83."

That's right, if they don't use a gun they revert to a knife. Who would have thought that? Isn't it the guns that kill, not people?

Paul deftly responded to those losers:

"“It is hard to say with certainty what accounts for the increase,” said Paul J. Browne, the chief spokesman for the New York Police Department."

An answer that sounds highly professional and knowledgeable but actually tells us nothing. Great work. Now I just need to add those New York Times assholes to my special "Delayed Press Credentials" list.

Charlie takes things too far

Dear readers,

First off I'll admit that I'm the one who ordered the creation of the IAB Traffic Unit. After Mike dropped by last year and showed me one of his nifty Power Point presentations with charts and graphs and everything showing how we could gain some easy political expediency points by towing off-duty cop vehicles I was more than convinced we need to do it.

But good heavens, when I came across this story in the Daily News two weeks ago I thought it was some kind of late April Fools joke. Read this particular nugget that sums it up:

"The chief of the Police Department's Internal Affairs Bureau nominated his own division for a unit award at this summer's Medal Day, sources said."

Charlie has lost his mind. Even a politically savvy guy like me knows that there are certain lines you just don't cross. And nominating an Internal Affairs unit that isn't even concerned with anything remotely resembling the investigation of corruption - which is what IAB is actually supposed to be doing - is taking things way too far. Then some asinine "source" who clearly needs to be tracked down and issued some green paper for opening his mouth states:

"The feeling at the top is that it is a horrible, thankless job," one source said."

Interesting. Did I sign off on this "feeling at the top"? I don't remember, but the fact is that nobody forces anybody to sign up for that "horrible, thankless job" of summonsing and towing MOS vehicles. I purposely made it an all-volunteer detail so that I could get the cream of the crop, the true believers, and Kool-Aid gulpers.

But seriously, nominating any Rat Squad unit at all would be a stretch, but the Parking Placard Enforcement Clowns? Really, Charlie? While we had a rookie running around last year robbing banks at gunpoint Charlie was apparently way too busy typing up that unit citation recommendation. I need to find some way to force this guy out, because he constantly disappears while the real corruption is happening only to emerge and pull a stunt like this. Horrendously ridiculous.